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virtually everything the human race had ever chosen to believe in was true.[And]...that it continued to be true long after the human race particularly needed it to be true anymore. Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

His eyes seemed to be popping out of his head. He wasn't certain if this was because they were trying to see more clearly, or if they simply wanted to leave at this point.Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

Arthur yawed wildly as his skin tried to jump one way and his skeleton the other, whilst his brain tried to work out which of his ears it most wanted to crawl out of. "Bet you weren't expecting to see me again," said the monster, which Arthur couldn't help thinking was a strange remark for it to make, seeing as he had never met the creature before. He could tell that he hadn't met the creature before from the simple fact that he was able to sleep at nights. Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

Arthur hoped and prayed that there wasn't an afterlife. Then he realised there was a contradiction there and merely hoped that there wasn't an afterlife. Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

The last time anybody made a list of the top hundred character attributes of New Yorkers, common sense snuck in at number 79. .... When it's fall in New York, the air smells as if someone's been frying goats in it, and if you are keen to breathe the best plan is to open a window and stick your head in a building.Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

The major difference between a thing that might go wrong and a thing that cannot possibly go wrong is that when a thing that cannot possibly go wrong goes wrong it usually turns out to be impossible to get at or repair. Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz smiled very slowly. This was done not so much for effect as because he was trying to remember the sequence of muscle movements. Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

For a moment, nothing happened. Then, after a second or so, nothing continued to happen. Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

The suit into which the man's body had been stuffed looked as if it's only purpose in life was to demonstrate how difficult it was to get this sort of body into a suit. Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

Rome wasn't burned in a day. Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

One's never alone with a rubber duck.Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

It was real. At least, if it wasn't real, it did support them, and as that is what sofas are supposed to do, this, by any test that mattered, was a real sofa. Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

The story goes that I first had the idea for THHGTTG while lying drunk in a field in Innsbruck (or "Spain" as the BBC TV publicity department authorititively has it, probably because it's easier to spell).

You're one hundred percent positive that the ship which is crashed on the bottom of this ocean is the ship which you said you were one hundred percent positive could one hundred percent positively never crash? Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

Yes, it's the right planet, all right, he said again. Right planet, wrong universe.Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

Ford had his own code of ethics. It wasn't much of one, but it was his and he stuck by it, more or less. One rule he made was never to buy his own drinks. He wasn't sure if that counted as an ethic, but you have to go with what you've got.Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

Arthur felt at a bit of a loss. There was a whole Galaxy of stuff out there for him, and he wondered if it was churlish of him to complain to himself that it lacked just two things: the world he was born on and the woman he loved. Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

Oh no, not again. A bowl of petunias falling out of orbit in Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

I teleported home one night With Ron and Sid and Meg. Ron stole Meggie's heart away And I got Sidney's leg.A poem about matter transference beams in Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

And wow! Hey! What's this thing coming towards me very fast? Very very fast. So big and flat and round, it needs a big wide sounding word like... ow... ound... round... ground! That's it! That's a good name - ground! I wonder if it will be friends with me? A sperm whale falling out of orbit in Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

Pages one and two [of Zaphod's presidential speech] had been salvaged by a Damogran Frond Crested Eagle and had already become incorporated into an extraordinary new form of nest which the eagle had invented. It was constructed largely of papier mache and it was virtually impossible for a newly hatched baby eagle to break out of it. The Damogran Frond Crested Eagle had heard of the notion of survival of the species but wanted no truck with it. An example of Damogran wildlife. in Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

"How do you feel?" he asked him. "Like a military academy," said Arthur, "bits of me keep passing out." .... "We're safe," he said. "Oh good," said Arthur. "We're in a small galley cabin," said Ford, "in one of the spaceships of the Vogon Constructor Fleet." "Ah," said Arthur, "this is obviously some strange usage of the word safe that I wasn't previously aware of."Arthur after his first ever teleport ride. in Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

"You know," said Arthur, "it's at times like this, when I'm trapped in a Vogon airlock with a man from Betelgeuse, and about to die from asphyxiation in deep space that I really wish I'd listened to what my mother told me when I was young." "Why, what did she tell you?" "I don't know, I didn't listen."Arthur coping with certain death as best as he could in Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

Arthur's consciousness approached his body as from a great distance, and reluctantly. It had had some bad times in there. Slowly, nervously, it entered and settled down into its accustomed position. Arthur sat up. "Where am I?" he said. "Lord's Cricket Ground," said Ford. "Fine," said Arthur, and his consciousness stepped out again for a quick breather. His body flopped back on the grass.Arthur coping with his return to Earth as best as he could in Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

He stood up straight and looked the world squarely in the fields and hills. To add weight to his words he stuck the rabbit bone in his hair. He spread his arms out wide. "I will go mad!" he announced. Arthur discovering a way of coping with life on Prehistoric Earth in Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

"Er, hey Earthman..." "Arthur," said Arthur. "Yeah, could you just sort of keep this robot with you and guard this end of the passageway. OK?" "Guard?" said Arthur. "What from? You just said there's no one here." "Yeah, well, just for safety, OK?" said Zaphod. "Whose? Yours or mine?"Arthur drawing the short straw on Magrathea. in Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

"Ford, you're turning into a penguin. Stop it."Arthur experiences the improbability drive at work in Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

"Eddies," said Ford, "in the space-time continuum." "Ah," nodded Arthur, "is he? Is he?"Arthur failing the first lesson of galactic physics he's gotten in four years in Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

"Incidentally," he said, "what does teleport mean?" Another moment passed. Slowly, the others turned to face him. "Probably the wrong moment to ask," said Arthur, "It's just I remember you use the word a short while ago and I only bring it up because..." "Where," said Ford quietly, "does it say teleport?" "Well, just over here in fact," said Arthur, pointing at a dark control box in the rear of the cabin, "Just under the word emergency, above the word system and beside the sign saying out of order."Arthur finding an escape route from a certain death situation in Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

"You'd better be prepared for the jump into hyperspace. It's unpleasently like being drunk." "What's so unpleasent about being drunk?" "You ask a glass of water."Arthur getting ready for his first jump into hyperspace. in Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

"...You hadn't exactly gone out of your way to call attention to them had you? I mean like actually telling anyone or anything." "But the plans were on display..." "On display? I eventually had to go down to the cellar to find them." "That's the display department." "With a torch." "Ah, well the lights had probably gone." "So had the stairs." "But look you found the notice didn't you?" "Yes," said Arthur, "yes I did. It was on display in the bottom of a locked filing cabinet stuck in a disused lavatory with a sign on the door saying Beware of The Leopard."Arthur singing the praises of the local council planning department in Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

"This must be Thursday," said Arthur to himself, sinking low over his beer, "I never could get the hang of Thursdays."Arthur, on what was to be his last Thursday on Earth in Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

"What was the self-sacrifice?" "I jettisoned half of a much loved and I think irreplaceable pair of shoes." "Why was that self-sacrifice?" "Because they were mine!" said Ford crossly. "I think we have different value systems." "Well mine's better." "That's according to your... oh never mind." Ford and Arthur in Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

"She hit me on the head with the rock again." "I think I can confirm that that was my daughter." "Sweet kid." "You have to get to know her," said Arthur. "She eases up does she?" "No," said Arthur, "but you get a better sense of when to duck."Ford and Arthur discussing Random in Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

"What's been happening here?" he demanded. "Oh just the nicest things, sir, just the nicest things. can I sit on your lap please?" "Colin, I am going to abandon you to your fate." "I'm so happy." "It will be very, very nasty for you, and that's just too bad. Got it?" "I gurgle with pleasure."Ford and Colin the robot in Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

"Right," said Ford, "I'm going to have a look." He glanced round at the others. "Is no one going to say, No you can't possibly, let me go instead?" They all shook their heads. "Oh well."Ford attempting to be heroic whilst being seiged by Shooty and Bangbang in Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

"Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so." "Very deep," said Arthur, "you should send that in to the Reader's Digest. They've got a page for people like you."Ford convincing Arthur to drink three pints in ten minutes at lunchtime. in Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

"We've got to find out what people want from fire, how they relate to it, what sort of image it has for them." The crowd were tense. They were expecting something wonderful from Ford. "Stick it up your nose," he said. "Which is precisely the sort of thing we need to know," insisted the girl, "Do people want fire that can be fitted nasally?"Ford debating what to do with fire with a marketing girl in Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

Ford grabbed him by the lapels of his dressing gown and spoke to him as slowly and distinctly and patiently as if he were somebody from a telephone company accounts department. Ford explaining things to Arthur yet again in Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

"...and the Universe," continued the waiter, determined not to be deflected on his home stretch, "will explode later for your pleasure." Ford's head swivelled slowly towards him. He spoke with feeling. "Wow," he said, "What sort of drinks do you serve in this place?" The waiter laughed a polite little waiter's laugh. "Ah," he said, "I think sir has perhaps misunderstood me." "Oh, I hope not," breathed Ford.Ford in paradise in Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

What the hell, he thought, you're only young once, and threw himself out of the window. That would at least keep the element of surprise on his side. Ford outwitting a Vogon with a rocket launcher in Hitchhiker's Guide to tthe Galaxy

"... then I decided that I was a lemon for a couple of weeks. I kept myself amused all that time jumping in and out of a gin and tonic." Arthur cleared his throat, and then did it again. "Where," he said, "did you...?" "Find a gin and tonic?" said Ford brightly. "I found a small lake that thought it was a gin and tonic, and jumped in and out of that. At least, I think it thought it was a gin and tonic." "I may," he addded with a grin which would have sent sane men scampering into the trees, "have been imagining it."Ford updating Arthur about what he's been doing for the past four years in Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

"I think you ought to know that I'm feeling very depressed." "Life, don't talk to me about life." "Here I am, brain the size of a planet and they ask me to take you down to the bridge. Call that job satisfaction? 'Cos I don't." "I've got this terrible pain in all the diodes down my left side."Marvin in Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

"The first ten million years were the worst," said Marvin, "and the second ten million, they were the worst too. The third ten million I didn't enjoy at all. After that I went into a bit of a decline."Marvin reflecting back on his 576,000,003,579 year career as Milliways' car park attendent in Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

"That young girl is one of the least benightedly unintelligent organic life forms it has been my profound lack of pleasure not to be able to avoid meeting."Marvin, giving his first compliment to anything, ever in Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job. Some wisdom from The Book in Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

There are of course many problems connected with life, of which some of the most popular are "Why are people born?" "Why do they die?" "Why do they spend so much of the intervening time wearing digital watches?"The Book in Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

...Man had always assumed that he was more intelligent than dolphins because he had achieved so much... the wheel, New York, wars, and so on, whilst all the dolphins had ever done was muck about in the water having a good time. But conversely the dolphins believed themselves to be more intelligent than man for precisely the same reasons.The Book in Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarrely inexeplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened.The Book in Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

What to do if you find yourself stuck in a crack in the ground underneath a giant boulder you can't move, with no hope of rescue. Consider how lucky you are that life has been good to you so far. Alternatively, if life hasn't been good to you so far, which given your current circumstances seems more likely, consider how lucky you are that it won't be troubling you much longer.The Book in Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

Trillian did a little research in the ship's copy of THHGTTG. It had some advice to offer on drunkenness. "Go to it," it said, "and good luck." It was cross-referenced to the entry concerning the size of the Universe and ways of coping with thatThe Book in Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

Now it is such a bizarrely improbable coincidence that anything so mindboggingly useful could have evolved purely by chance that some thinkers have chosen to see it as the final and clinching proof of the non-existence of God. The argument goes something like this: 'I refuse to prove that I exist," says God, "for proof denies faith, and without faith I am nothing." "But," says Man, "The Babel fish is a dead giveaway, isn't it? It could not have evolved by chance. It proves you exist, and so therefore, by your own arguments, you don't. QED."The Book in Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

The fronting for the eighty-yard long marble-topped bar had been made by stitching together nearly twenty thousand Antarean Mosaic Lizard skins, despite the fact that the twenty thousand lizards concerned had needed them to keep their insides in.The Book decribing Milliways' politically incorrect decor in Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

"In those days spirits were brave, the stakes were high, men were REAL men, women were REAL women, and small furry creatures from Alpha Centauri were REAL small furry creatures from Aplha Centauri." The Book getting all nostalgic. in Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move. The Book just racapping what happened in the last book in Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

"The best way to get a drink out of a Vogon is to stick your finger down his throat..." The Book, on one of the Vogon's social inadequacies. in Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

"You know they've reintroduced the death penalty for insurance company directors?" "Really?" said Arthur. "No I didn't. For what offence?" Trillian frowned. "What do you mean, offence?" "I see."Trillian and Arthur in Hitchhiler's Guide to the Galaxy

If there's anything more important than my ego around, I want it caught and shot now.Zaphod in Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

"Hey this is terrific!" Zaphod said. "Someone down there is trying to kill us!" "Terrific," said Arthur. "But don't you see what this means?" "Yes. We are going to die." "Yes, but apart from that." "APART from that?" "It means we must be on to something!" "How soon can we get off it?"Zaphod and Arthur in a certain death situation over Magrathea. in Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

"You ARE Zaphod Beeblebrox?" "Yeah," said Zaphod, "but don't shout it out or they'll all want one." "THE Zaphod Beeblebrox?" "No, just A Zaphod Bebblebrox, didn't you hear I come in six packs?" "But sir," it squealed, "I just heard on the sub-ether radio report. It said you were dead..." "Yeah, that's right, I just haven't stopped moving yet."Zaphod and the Guide's receptionist in Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

"I am so amazingly cool you could keep a side of meat in me for a month. I am so hip I have difficulty seeing over my pelvis."Zaphod being cool in Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

"Hand me the rap-rod, Plate Captain." The little waiter's eyebrows wandered about his forehead in confusion. "I beg your pardon, sir?" he said. "The phone, waiter," said Zaphod, grabbing it off him. "Shee, you guys are so unhip it's a wonder your bums don't fall off."Zaphod discovers that waiters are the least hip people in the Universe in Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

"Maybe somebody here tipped off the Galactic Police," said Trillian. "Everybody saw you come in." "You mean they want to arrest me over the phone?" said Zaphod, "Could be. I'm a pretty dangerous dude when I'm cornered." "Yeah," said a voice from under the table [Ford's], "you go to pieces so fast people get hit by the shrapnel."Zaphod getting paranoid over a phone call in Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

Zaphod grinned two manic grins, sauntered over to the bar and bought most of it.Zaphod in paradise in Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy